I have been writing this post up in my head for almost a year. I spoke at her funeral but this serves as a tribute to Tara and how we try to pay tribute to her and her short life here every single day. Life is truly a journey and a roller coaster and we try to take the bad with the good. There are events, though, that change us … that change our direction and our course. On 5/24/15, this happened to pretty much every person who ever had the privilege of getting to know Tara Marie.
Tara and I met in 1985, became close friends by 1990 – she introduced me to people as the ‘girl who wanted to beat me up when she first met me’. I admit, I had a bit of a temper when her and I met. However, she also had a bit of a mouth. 🙂 Anyway, during those almost 30 years, we shared EVERYTHING — she was more of a sister to me than any person I have ever known.
This is just my story… Please take a minute to share yours today — even if its with whomever is sitting next to you right now — and how you have paid tribute to Tara over the last year….
I won’t go back too far but in the summer of 2013, my life changed its course when I left my chosen career of 15 years. It was the best decision I ever made, as I got to be a part of my daughter’s life, help strengthen family bonds and be a ‘happier me’. In the two years that followed, I had moved into a career in real estate. Working has always been one of those things to give me my ‘sense of purpose’ and income was one of my major contributions to my family. In 2014, my mom had a pretty serious accident that almost left her paralyzed and my new career took a bit of a back seat. I am forever thankful to the awesome partners and coworkers I had for their complete understanding through everything. In early 2015, we had secured a place for my mom – she was thankfully able to be independent, but she is also close enough to call on us if she needs anything. Things started to ‘settle’.
On May 18, 2015, Tara and I were planning summer time. After having moved to Vegas, we looked forward to when she got to spend some time in Arizona. She had stayed home that day from school as when she got sick, the first thing to go was her voice. She spent the day planning the whole summer, I think. I talked to her that evening for a little bit — but we switched to text and messenger so that she could more easily communicate. We were going to do the Wild Life Park, the Zoo, the Science Center, Make Meaning — all activities with our kids, who are only 4 months apart. Of course, we also planned a girls night of painting and her 40th birthday party, to coincide with my husband, Chris’, birthday. I was tired thinking of all that summer had in store, excited too though. I didn’t know that night would actually be the last time we spoke.
We started our yearly camping trip up into the rim area on Thursday the 21st, a real estate deal forced me to drive back home the next day. The whole way home, my stomach was in knots and I had that “feeling” that no one likes to get. I was relieved to find my mom and the dogs doing okay when I got home as my imagination created stories from that ‘feeling’. I got my work done and drove back north. I remember driving down the dirt road to camp listening to “Flyin Down a Back Road”. Saturday the rain started. Early Sunday morning, I was woken by thunder and more rain — we often got rain camping on that weekend and it is always a welcome relief to the heat of the Valley. We planned a picnic at Potato Lake Sunday and Chris was off for his 4-wheelin excursion with his buddies. Potato lake is one of my favorite spots to visit. Just a small body of water with pine trees all around — beautiful and quiet. Dad had decided to stay at camp — sometimes nice to sit back in a quiet camp and relax….
We had just eaten and were hanging out by the water — I saw Chris and my dad walking up. It wasn’t too long before I noticed that things were not well. My first thought was that there was an accident while wheeling. Chris looked to be physically okay… and then it all happened so quickly. They yelled for me to come over and Chris told me Tara was gone …. gone? Tara who? not my sister, Tara? gone?
I sat down or fell down. And right then, life changed.
Everyone who knows Tara has their own version of this story.
We packed up and headed for Vegas. We hung out with family, we met tons of new friends and coworkers that spent each day with Tara. We reconnected with old friends …we laughed and oh did we cry. In the next two weeks, we had two memorial services and a big life celebration for Tara. In writing the words I spoke at her funeral, one big theme kept ringing in my head “NO REGRET”. She LIVED. She DID. She took every challenge and prospered. ‘From the day we met, to the night she left … we loved her with NO REGRET…’
On June 19, we decided to take our yearly San Diego trip. I was apprehensive about being in the trailer but we all agreed we needed a getaway with family. It was an amazing trip, but early on June 29, my dad knocked on the door of the trailer with news that my grandpa was in critical condition. We immediately packed up and tried with everything we had to get to him. We made it to Yuma. 10 days earlier, Grandpa was doing better than ever. Things happen so fast and in those instances, life changes.
Chris, not just my husband, but my ROCK — he starts looking for some meaning while I was questioning life itself. To him, this meant it was time to follow a dream — life is short — have to focus on the things that are important vs the daily grind. The daily grind is how life gets away. By October, he was taking his dream to Bullhead City for our first BBQ Competition.
Over the last year, my soul searching is what lead me do some of the things I do now. My journey through anxiety, depression, grief … the physical things like the headaches, high blood pressure, tension … I have tried SO MANY things over the years. I have had some pretty awesome successes. My meaning comes when I help someone. Tara and I had planned on starting a 24 day challenge that summer. She had seen my success with Advocare’s line of products and she knew if she was in AZ and we were doing it together, it would be fun, rewarding, and likely more successful for both of us! She had already shared with me her journey with essential oils. I am really just continuing down the path her and I had started. Many days, I know she walks right with me. I can only hope that as I work on my posts and work through this journey and share with people that I can help even a handful of people each year. If they share their journey, the results could be amazing … and its all dedicated to Tara and her short life and impact here. It’s my dream and my purpose.
Chris has taken his dream of owning a restaurant and in the last 300 days, we have started making that dream a reality. Today, he sent me pictures of the trailer branded with Smoke N Grind in big bright white letters. I cried. Another journey that we started in dedication to Tara’s life. We DID … instead of talking about doing. NO REGRET.
Even still, it’s easy to start to fall into the ‘grind’. It’s comfortable. Working toward a dream is not usually ‘comfortable’. It’s scary and risky and scary some more. There is not ONE SINGLE DAY that I don’t think about something she said to me, something we did together, something that reminds me. Sometimes it’s easy to want to just stop, hide in bed. My daughter was the one some days who was the reason I got up – even if it was just to get her ready to go to school. Routine … but not letting that routine make you forget about the real importance of why we get up each morning, why we take each breath.
On March 3, we found out that we are going to be blessed with another little one in our lives. IMHO, another message from Tara to stop and remember what is important. We have been a bit under the doctor’s microscope as we complete the tests to make sure everything looks good and so far, everything is GREAT. Our daughter is due the first week of November – Tara’s twins were due the first week of November – it gives me chills when I think of it. My ‘sense of purpose’ is ever-changing. And, as the hammer keeps hitting me … it reminds me that the work and the income is not my true ‘sense of purpose’.
My family and sharing my experiences with YOU is my purpose.
Every day, no matter how sad I am, I strive to find meaning. I cannot explain the path that God has us on or the reasons – its not for me to understand the reason, but to find the message and the meaning and my next path on this road. Last Friday, a high school friend posted just this “John 13:7” It gave me chills too. Sometimes, the perfect message comes along at the perfect time.
So, as a tribute to Tara and to everyone who loved her and misses her, I just want to say, please go find your dream. LIVE your life with NO REGRET. Find your MEANING.
Life is not about the breaths we take, but about the moments that take our breath away…
Dedicated to Tara Marie
June 25, 1975 – May 24, 2015
And in loving memory of my Grandpa, Donald D Shanks
January 24, 1920 – June 29, 2015